ashamed

it feels like i'm stuck in a fever dream

wishing, wishing

but never achieving

i dream with big castles

yet never lay down the foundation,

and it's like i'm drowning in wet concrete 

i'm scared

that someone else's success

means

that i won't achieve my own

i'm scared

of the simple life

and the slim possibility

that i'd be content with it

i'm scared

to not live up 

to myself

but, mostly, i'm scared

to amount to something,

anything,

and lose it all