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maybe we reached the end of our cycle.
I'm weirdly proud of myself in the midst of all this. 
today I went through my camera roll and realized that
although i was slashed in half, open and bleeding
i kept ferociously holding onto life
maybe i was looking for that feeling of numbness that a crowd gives you. 
perhaps i was frantically looking for another gasp of air.
or i just grew up and got over myself.