no one can (love me back)

i used to write poems to myself
like they were written from you

you were never able to love me,
the way i loved you

so i stopped writing,
to not make your love feel less
than what i deserved

i should've run

locked in with the keys in my pocket

You are a lacking human,
and so am I.
Our brains
were wired differently.

I'd still like to be strong,
just for you. Just for us,
the broken ones.

I could be in pieces
and yet all of them
would be trying to
hold you together.

Let me kiss your tears goodbye,
I'll lock myself inside your mind
and hug you back to sanity again.

Although I know it's not possible,
I'll try 'till my last breath.

Baby, don't worry about me,
I don't mind
(losing my mind)
(for you).

but i'm not out of the woods

this is to the evil need
for an ending
to all the hurt,

this is to all the ways i was thinking
of letting go

this is to the tears,
that drowned me

i made it

this is to the hands that held my head together,
when i couldn't get a hold of myself

this to the friends that stayed
when even i wanted to leave

this is to the ears that listened,
once a week, for an hour,
once a month, for a new prescription

thank you

words

maybe you took them away,
maybe i gave so much that there was nothing left,
not even for myself

i starved my soul,
to feed you greedy neediness
which i mistook for love

i adjusted my light,
so it wouldn't blind you,
maybe i should
(have blinded you)
maybe it would have saved me
(having blinded you)

now i'm learning to see
(myself)

looking for ways to empty myself

i used to be full of words,
couldn't wait to get them out of my head,
they poured out of my fingers,

until i swallowed them whole,
never letting them go,
burning inside,
burning me alive

until i combusted,
and couldn't hear myself anymore
until i ate them all,
leaving no room for
desire

i'm far from healed

but i'm on my way

to save myself