(i think i loved you once) the end is near

i've never wrote you any poems,
and maybe that should've been
the biggest red flag
that i souldn't have missed

i confused comfort
for happiness
for love
for you

no. i was happy
yes, i was
please don't get me wrong
(maybe do)

but somehow i always seem to expect,
things to end
before i enjoy them,
i'm always waiting
(for them to end)

maybe so i can finally write you
a love letter
a poem
saying thank you
and sorry

(i think i loved you once)

i peel myself from my bed,
not letting my grip go,
with a lil help from the meds,
i draw a smile on my face,
while my puffy eyes fade away

swallow pride and pain
try to start
all over
again

with a lil help from my friends,
i see the sun every now and then
and a little more often
i'm found with a sincere smile
on my face

what a miracle

with a lil help from myself,
i try no to flinch every time
my face shows itself on a mirror
i try to be kinder to the one i am,
without mourning the one i was
not expecting much of the one i'll be
(but expecting everything the world has to offer)
(if i try)
(if i fail)
(what would will become of me?)