i forgive you

was i selfish
or a coward?
i can't decide.

running for cover
whilst uncovering you
was my best
and worst
decision.

coming undone was your ritual,
you've learn all the good ways to destroy yourself
and were taking me along for the ride.
a hostage.

was i selfish for flying the scene?
was i saving myself?
or was i just a little boy,
running scared,
with my tail between my legs?

i can't decide

the trip i couldn't escape,
this road paved with guilt
still haunts me at night.

i wish i could've loved you better
         i wish you could love yourself better

i haven't

some people say
"you can't write about what you don't know",
i used to believe that

but i've created many lives
in many ways
about things
i did not experience 

i tell tales
of love
and destruction,
of relationships i never had
of lovers i never loved
of words that haven't been spoken

people tell me their stories
and in my mind
i can't help
to walk a thousand miles
in their shoes

i've started to believe,
that some feelings
are universal

can you idealize
pain
in attempt to understand it?

can you idealize 
love
in attempt to understand it?

or haven't i 
understood
anything?

how many times

did i hurt myself

             to hurt others?

how many more times

will i feel the need to

hurt myself

            to hurt others?

when will i
become my own
               remedy?