today i woke up missing us

i'm afraid of when i'll look at you straight in the face

I'll realize that this can't be fixed. 

i think that even if I don't look at you

I'm already aware of our fate.

came clean but never said sorry

do you read this together and laugh?

talk shit behind my back like I do about you?

or do you not care at all? 

kept selfishly living your life, like I pretended to do.

I've come to realize grief is not linear

and that's the scariest part,

that today I might find myself genuinely laughing,

but then a wave of sadness fills me the next day.

this is why I needed to step away

I didn't want to trick you into thinking everything was fine

and then stab you in the back with my words. 

like I know how to do too well.

i wanted to hurt you with my absence

but also protect you from me. 

the olive branch that I untimely extended, 

it dried out because I could never say the words

I'm sorry, 

I love you, 

I forgive you. 

non believer

I pray for the day that being myself

Doesnt bring me pain.